I’m not dead, I just have twins.

Yes, I know. It’s been over two months since I’ve put anything new up on the board. Where does the time go, you ask?

It’s not that I’ve abandoned the blog, or even have writer’s block. It’s just that, you see, my wife and I are raising these two 26-month-old homunculi and if you’re not aware of this, children do take up a lot of your time. No, really. They do. Especially twins. Especially two-year-old twins. Although you get warnings about this kind of thing, you really don’t believe that the real “New Dad” greeting card should read something like, “Congratulations. You have children. You will never have time to do anything else except raise children, ever again. Ever.” Until you’re actually there. (By the way, being a twin yourself doesn’t count. You were on the receiving end, toots.)

I’m quite aware that the Neal Pollacks of the world, ever-anxious to prove their continuing hipitude in the face of parenthood, make a big deal out of the whole Alternadad thing (yes, I too own a Ramones T-shirt and even wear it occasionally. As for smoking weed, well…no, don’t really see the point at this point, and Mrs. P. would object to it stinking up the room). I know that there are a ton of bloggers out there, some of whom are quite worthwhile reading, focusing on their kids and the raising of same. (The wife herself rarely misses a day without doing her own blog of sorts, but it’s hard to find since it’s in the nature of a moms-of-twins bulletin board to which you can easily upload the latest photos, and she doesn’t even like me to be reading it so I’m certainly not going to link to it here, sorry). Me, I can’t help thinking that writing about your kids with a mass audience in mind is exploitation of a sort, and besides, there is so much interesting stuff going on in the world that even with the dawn-to-dusk (and often more like dawn to 9:45 p.m.) parenting thing going on, I don’t want to limit myself to the doings of Leo and Luka, fascinating and hilarously universal though they may be.

Suffice it to say that a lot of stuff has gone on since President’s Day. In the first week of March, for example, Luka came down with rotavirus, an extremely nasty intestinal bug that had us bundle him up to the hospital for a sleepless overnight Long Night’s Journey Into Grogginess. Ugh, the less said about it, the better. The rotavirus affected Mrs. P and I as well, in less extreme but still discomfiting ways; fortunately, Leo was almost unscathed. But suffice it to say that none of us were feeling in tip-top shape for weeks afterwards. (Fortunately, as Mary Worth recently remarked to her friend Toby, “memories are made to fade. They were designed that way.”)

Besides this, I started a new job that occupies my weekends, and recently took on a major short-term writing project in addition to an ongoing one. So with one thing or another, my days are pretty full. And Mrs. Pogoer’s dental woes of late have been another unwelcome distraction. Today, for example, she awoke with a sinus infection and her left cheek swollen to the size and color of a Macintosh apple and, after visiting her dentist in the morning, called a good friend of ours to come with her little girl and visit with the twins for a while, while I accompanied her to a friendly oral surgeon in Pflugerville, where the offending infected molar was smashed and removed. She’s been on antibiotics and resting since the early afternoon, and I pitched in and took over the bulk of the childcarin’ duties until bedtime, which seems to get later and later these days (which doesn’t keep ’em from rising and screamin’ before seven).

I sometimes run into parents of teenagers or older children who reminisce fondly about the days when their kids were toddlers, and how they miss it. I’d like to tell them that they’d enjoy reading Mary Worth.

No wonder people like being grandparents so much — all of the cute, none of the crap.

The next post will be up in less than a week. That’s a promise.

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