Grave humor

And the fitful spurts of bizarro creative writing continue…admit it, these are the kinds of things you’d really like to put on your gravestone when the time comes, or at least see on someone else’s.

TOMBSTONE INSCRIPTIONS WE’D LIKE TO SEE

(with apologies to MAD Magazine)

Picture most of these inscriptions below the name and date of the dearly beloved:

SOMEBODY

SOMETIME TO SOMETIME

*************************

1.  IT WAS WHAT IT WAS…

2.  DUH, I KNOW I’M DEAD, I’M NOT STUPID

3. YEAH, PEOPLE DIE, Y’KNOW.

THAT’S WHAT THEY DO.

YUP.

4. I MET MY DEADLINE…WHAT ABOUT YOU?

5. I DON’T LIKE TO BRAG,

BUT I’M FAIRLY WELL DEAD

6. I MAY BE DEAD, BUT I’M STILL BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU

7. I MAY BE DEAD, BUT I’M AHEAD OF YOU

8.  (for guys)  COOL DUDE IN A DEAD MOOD

9. OF COURSE I’M DEAD, M’DEAR…

ISN’T EVERYONE THESE DAYS?

10. I USED TO SLEEP IN A BED

NOW I’M SCOOBY DOOBY DEAD

11.  THIS PLACE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME YET

12.  SO IT’S COME TO THIS THEN, HAS IT?

13.  (for the chipper, eternal optimists among us)

I CROAKED,

IT’S OKE!

14.  I’M NOT GRATEFUL, BUT AT LEAST I’M DEAD

15.  (tagline) IT’S HIP TO BE DEAD

16.  ASK ME HOW I LEFT SUCH A GOOD-LOOKING CORPSE

17.  DO I SEEM LIKE A DOORNAIL TO YOU?

HUH? DO I?

18.  (for women)  THAT’S WHY THE LADY IS A CORPSE

19.  PROUD TO BE DEAD IN AMERICA

‘WE’RE NO. 1″

20.  MY OTHER GRAVESTONE IS ON A PORSCHE

21.  DON’T LAUGH, IT’S PAID FOR

22. IF YOU’RE READING THIS, YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO DEATH

23. WOULD YOU LIKE ANY ICE OR STAMPS WITH YOUR CEMETERY VISIT?

24.  YOUR AD HERE, CALL __________________

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