Category Archives: humor

It’s My Birthday, So Worship Me For The Day, Part 2

donna_wes_2009_birthday

Mrs. Pogoer and me with birthday cake, around the time of the fateful dinner.

So to continue with the birthday theme from where I left off over five years ago, this tale begins a couple of years prior to that. It’s a prequel, as it were. As has been previously established, my late wife Mrs. Pogoer, a/k/a Donna, and I shared a birthdate — same day, same year, me being all of eight minutes older, yadda yadda yadda. And this year was one of those joint birthdays that ended in a zero, so I felt considerable self-administered pressure to Do It Up Right.

We — or, rather, I — decided to spend our birthday dinner at a celebrated restaurant outside of town. This eatery — let’s call it Thames on the Creek — specialized in gourmet preparations of wild game, and although this wasn’t Mrs. Pogoer’s favorite cuisine by a long shot, she very graciously decided to humor me and accompany me there for “my” portion of the birthday festivities. In my defense, it was a place I’d wanted to visit for a very long time.

Not too long before these events, I had contracted with a major travel publisher to review hotels and restaurants in Austin and environs. When we arrived at Thames on the Creek, Mrs. Pogoer mentioned to the server that I was a restaurant reviewer, perhaps hoping to score an extra complimentary dessert in addition to the double-birthday cake that most half-decent restaurants provide for the occasion (writers know how to work the angles).

While the wife ordered wine and a salad, I busily set about ordering the likes of venison tartare, salamander mousse, bison bites with Béarnaise sauce, and rattlesnake cakes with chipotle remoulade (not the exact things I actually ordered, but you get the idea). I tackled the offerings greedily. After all, hey, it’s my birthday! Our birthday! One that ends in a zero!

And so we celebrated the amazing accomplishment of not dying for 12 months. And at some point, Donna noticed that I was turning green around the gills. My gorge was rising as a result of scarfing down one or four unfamiliar foodstuffs, and I bolted towards the restroom, where I threw back a toilet stall door and vomited up assorted wild game and wine into the bowl.

Donna was sufficiently alarmed to phone 911 and call for the EMTs, and within ten minutes or so an ambulance pulled up and, once in the entranceway, I groggily submitted to various checks for life signs.

Management informed Donna that the meal was comped for both of us. I don’t know whether this was because of the upchucking or the fact that I was an off-the-clock “restaurant critic,” but I’ve never been so embarrassed to get a free meal.

And the moral of the story is…All things considered, we should’ve just gone to the Melting Pot. She always liked that place.

We didn’t stay for desserts; I’d already received mine, and it was just.

 

Reunion, Reunion!

Hi, everyone I know on Facebook. Hi, it’s me. So I’m going to be in the area through Wednesday, and if anyone wants to get together, please be at this specific restaurant on the Upper West Side between 1:30 and 2:30 before I have to take a cab to the airport. This could include but not be limited to:

Classmates from nursery school

Classmates from elementary school

Classmates from middle school (or if you prefer, “junior high”)

Classmates from college

Former coworkers from 1981-82

People I met at the hotel for Jazz Fest in New Orleans in ’89

People I struck up a conversation with while in line for a movie

Oh, hell, total strangers, who am I kidding

See you there! Remember, we may never get this opportunity again.

Some e-cards I’ve done

To amuse myself (I certainly don’t do it for money, because it doesn’t pay anything), I’ve created some e-cards on this popular website. I invite you to browse through them; I make no guarantee that you’ll find them amusing. Many of them originated as Facebook or Twitter posts. This particular card was named an Editor’s Pick and has gotten over 33,000 hits to date. Can I have a cut of that, now?